It's just that knitting and reading books and sitting on my bed chatting with friends through a computer...

I'm so torn between this decision.

When the words aren't coming
And my life feels dry
And I can't seem to find that switch
That makes everything better
And tells me exactly what I'm supposed to do

And when my ears aren't hearing from God
And my mind is rushing with "what if's"
And I'm screaming inside of myself


Sometimes I google

"What does God want me to do with my life?"


No joke.

(Kids--don't try this at home)


That's not the answer, I know. But it makes me giggle. So I guess it does it's job :)

I am craving an adventure.

It's not even so much the adventure, I think.

I just want to feel alive.
I just want to be connected.
Not just to the internet, or my cell phone, or the endless amounts of homework I have, or my job.

These things are all great and nice, but sometimes I just forget what it feels like to sit in the grass.

I forget what it's like to spend an entire day outdoors, just soaking in the sunshine and forgetting time and gadgets and responsibilities.

I forget what it's like to hold a child and make them laugh.

I forget what it's like to see a smile form on a friend's face and engage in deep, beautiful conversation.

I forget the bigger picture.
That it's not about all these "responsibilities" and "obligations" I have. It's not about the homework, not about going through the motions, not about "connecting with people through our endless technologies."

It's about the things that are right in front of you. It's about finding the life in every moment.
I don't want this life to just rush through my fingertips.
I want to milk it for everything its worth.
I've gotta stop forgetting these things!

but if you can teach him to learn by creating curiosity, he will continue the learning process as long as he lives. --Clay P. Bedford

So I've started my first week of school and it already has me into some pretty deep thinking, which I am very excited about!

I love anything that challenges me. My brain likes to be tossed all over the place and I just can never get enough of learning.

Anyways, I feel like each of my classes has brought me something new and exciting this week and I would just like to share them.

A few days ago, I was reading in my art history book about the first works of art that they've found. To me, it wasn't the most asthetically pleasing artwork, or most interesting. I think the interesting thing about it though, is that these people were the first "artists." They started making works of art and had to develop their own materials and everything. It just makes me realize even more how much creativity was instilled in us as human beings. What made those people draw those pictures or form those sculptures? Was there some overwhelming need inside of them to create something outside of themselves? What was their purpose? It also makes me realize what a silly artist I am. I have insane amounts of art supplies at my disposal at any given time, yet I cannot seem to produce anything (as of recently). Do I need to go back to my roots and get rid of all preconceived ideas and just create what's in my heart and mind? Hmm...yes I believe I do... :)

In my Sociology class, we were asked to do an experiment that goes against social norms in some way and then to write about it. As I'm researching different experiments I can do, I'm realizing more and more how hard it would be for me to go beyond social norms. The thought of doing anything embarassing or weird in public makes me uncomfortable. So now I am faced with the question: why? It's always been aggravating to me how much I let other people's opinions rule my actions. I want so desperately to get away from that. So I want this experiment to be a start to that. (By the way, if anyone has ideas of experiments I could do, let me know!)

Today, I was reading in my Abnormal Psychology book and, WOW, it's just blowing me away. The more I read about it, the more I realize how much I am in love with humans and the way they work. I was reading today about different research methods and came across this question:

"When does the benefit to many outweigh the suffering of a few?"

While this question was posed as a response to the different research methods psychologists try on humans and animals, it makes me think of a lot more than just that. For instance, this past year I have developed a huge passion for social justice. When I think about this question, I think about how it applies to child labor (MANY people are benefitting from this...if you don't think you are...check your clothing...made in India? yep...huge chance you are as well, my friend), human trafficking, and many of the other areas I've studied. When do we draw the line? I dont know...just some thoughts.

Last class is my Spanish class, and while nothing has been particularly enlightening about it, I am just enjoying speaking and practicing the language. I miss Costa Rica dearly and speaking Spanish just helps me feel a little bit closer to it.

and remember:

You learn something every day if you pay attention. --Ray LeBlond

:)

I was mistaken as a fifteen-year old.
And I had to wear a bright yellow wrist band around the mall to let all the other security guards know that I was over 15.

Did I mention that I just turned 22?

Wow...that's embarassing.