One side seems risky, uncomfortable--exactly the kind of thing I love.

The other seems safe, boring--like I'm not actually living.

The only problem is, the safe decision seems like the one I should take.

And I don't know why.

And I don't want to.

And I don't know if it's because I'm afraid to risk.

Or if I think everyone is sick of me going away, that after this time no one will really care anymore.

Maybe I'm not trusting God enough.

Or maybe I'm not letting Him do something with me right where I am.

I just want to go forward.

And throw caution to the wind.

But I can't.

Something is holding me back.

And I don't know what it is.

But it's driving me crazy.

I just can't figure it out.

Am I analyzing too much?
Probably.

But I'm just so unsure of what to do.